your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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