My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
