mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
