Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
