what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
