no, he came in my armpit
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
