Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wear drunk well.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
