The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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