he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
