I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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