she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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