My sheets look like a crime scene.
do herpes really smell.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
