Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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