How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize