I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
