drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
