it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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