i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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