Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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