508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
