get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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