So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
