There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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