hotel room ftw
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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