hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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