i think i have herpe
just one?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
