So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
