Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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