I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
