Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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