um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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