we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
