it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
