dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
