bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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