Define "chronic" masturbator.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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