Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
