I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
