I was born with a shot glass in my hand
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
