Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
