just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
