people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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