Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just threw up on my dentist
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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