I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
