all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
