I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
