Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize