I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
