I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
