so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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