He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
