I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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