the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
