She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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