was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
