yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize