it was like eating out sand paper
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
