If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
