Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
