Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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