8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
