I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
