its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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