I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
