Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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