if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Are my feet made of real feet?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
