New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
