No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
