ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
