winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
