I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
