Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
