Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
