just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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