I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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