that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
not ubering you a puppy
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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