wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
