she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
