So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Two words: blizzard sex
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
