yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
